Now that the new academic year is in swing, and our children go back to school, the potential for ‘pecking order’ battles are there…

So what do you do? How can you identify it first off, then what do you do about it?

Well, as you’d guess there is no straight answer to either of those! So here is just a quick guide to start with.

As for identifying school bullying, it is good to have a regular dialogue going on with your child. I call it dialogue as it can happen anywhere anytime, and every child is different.
I have 4 children. 1 of which will tell me about her day ‘face-to-face’, and will account every minute detail. Another one of my children would rather not give me the accounts of the day, and so it is up to me as the parent to slip in un-invasive questions and listen to the answers, as occasionally a little niggle may slip out. Usually nothing, but a little gentle nudge from mummy gets her telling me what has upset her, and she feels better for sharing. At the moment, my 4 year old twins get great joy out of telling me others’ wrong doings, and injustices, and so I just need to listen and not overreact to them!

Thankfully my children are not being bullied, but gaining their trust is so important that I feel confident and hope that they will share with me if it ever happens.

It’s worth keeping in mind that children who are being bullied will sometimes refuse to tell you what is wrong.

Here are some tips to help you recognise if a child is being bullied:

  1. Unexplained bruises, marks, damaged clothes, bags etc.

(Bear in mind that bullying can be all emotional and psychological, and so there may be no physical signs.)

  1. Trouble sleeping.
  2. Reluctance/upset about going to school.
  3. Persistent stomach aches.
  4. Anxiety
  5. Out of character behaviour such as being unusually grumpy or aggressive.
  6. Being quiet and withdrawn.
  7. Falling out with friends, suddenly being alone in social situations.
  8. Bet wetting.

Obviously these signs could be linked to many other issues, so the most important thin

g is to be aware of changes, and encourage regular conversation.

So, what do we do if we think, or know, a child is being bullied?

The worst things to do would be to ignore it, or even to go charging into school gung-ho, or to the bully, or parents involved. No one wins from those scenarios.

First off talk to your child, and gently find out some details about what is happening, asking your child how it makes them feel. Actively listen to their feelings, rather than ranting in your own head about how wrong it is, or what you can do about it.

  1. Listen to your child’s feelings.
  2. Remember that your child may have been scared to tell you for the fear of making the situation worse, by ‘tellling’.
  3. Never tell your child to ‘stop being silly’ or any words that just dismiss their feelings. Even if the bullying is minor, and short-lived, it can cause a tough time on their emotions. How your child is feeling is real to them. Acknowledge and understand this so that your child feels safe to talk to you.
  4. When listening to your child, remember you may not be able to change the bully’s behaviour at that particular moment, but you can help empower your child to feel supported, loved and stronger.
  5. Most schools have a anti-bullying procedure in place. Make an arrangement to go in and talk. Be calm, and remember that the best solution is not to throw blame around, but to find the best outcome with least upset for your child.

The sad truth is that bullying doesn’t just happen at school, it also happens in the workplace, the local park, universities, and sadly the family home. With awareness and the right action I hope we can all work together to put a stop to it. As a therapist I see clients with a wide manor of issues, and some people still harbour the pain of bullying many years after the event. It’s never too late to work on the emotions caused by bullying, or the guilt of being the bully.

Jay x