All too  often I hear stories from mothers old and new about how traumatic and difficult giving birth is… so even though I can empathise, I feel frustrated and saddened at why so many women are repeatedly experiencing these difficult and horrid births.
Then, just the other day, I heard a fascinating story/viewpoint from a father of three who views birth as very dangerous, and a thing we must be saved from by specialists in the field.
The first birth was so traumatic, mother lying on her back giving birth, perineum tears and has a difficult time, traumatic to all involved. Not a nice story, but an unbelievably common one.
The thing that surprised me the most was that for the next birth a sum of £6k was paid out to deliver the baby in a private hospital. Results no different really, reconfirming to dad that birth IS dangerous.

I suppose I was saddened at how the NHS and the conventional modern medical world have such a hold over people. In a discussion with the said dad, I told him how an upright position could have made the most amazing difference to change the outcome… to which he laughed in disbelief “I’d like to see you give birth standing up!” to which I replied “I did!” The look of shock was worthy of a photograph, and resulted in a lengthy rant from me and demonstrating ideal upright positions and rocking and dancing for birth!

What really concerns me here is that the view point was to seek the best possible medical care as opposed to the parents being offered education in normal birth – by ‘normal’ I mean ‘normal’, not ‘common’ or ‘typical’ of today’s usual births that tend to happen once inside the confines of a medical establishment, with time deadlines and drugs to make you hurry up, regardless of the detrimental consequences. Not to mention birthing positions that are ideal for the midwife to have a good stare up your jacksee (what’s all that about? Are they waiting for a surprise wave from the baby? Do they not realise it makes us mothers uncomfortable to be stared at, never mind staring at our foofoos… and uncomfortable people can’t relax and let go.)

I suppose, that regardless of my ranting, and my opinion of most hospital ‘labour ward shenanigans’ the reality is that a high proportion of parents leave hospitals with a baby in a car seat and a bucket load of PTSD, followed neatly by PND. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post-natal Depression) then followed by lots of CBA (I believe that stands for ‘Can’t be Ar$ed’, according to some very young children.)

This is where the majority of my therapy clients come from unfortunately. I’d love to be supporting more homebirths with enthusiastic midwives – some more Ina May Gaskin’s and Mary Cronks would be lovely – I think I met at least three new potentials at last week’s MaMa Conference in Scotland!) I would love to see more prevention going on, rather than just being part of the cure.

How do we get to that? Education and support.

Starting with my book recommendation for this blog. An old classic, but never outdated:
Childbirth Without Fear, by Grantly Dick-Read.

Enjoy!

Although I don’t have time to copy & attach the pictures that accompanied this itinerary, I thought it was worthwhile sharing with those who have asked about the route, and timescales.

Off to bed now, and tomorrow at 7am my journey begins! VERY excited.

Jay xx

Peru

Machu Picchu Trek

Peru is frequently referred to as the ‘Land of the Incas’ and has some of the most spectacular and varied scenery in South America. The Peruvian Andes are arguably the most beautiful on the continent and the mountains are home to millions of highland Indians who still speak the ancient tongue of Quechua and maintain a traditional way of life.

 

Our trekking route take us on a rarely used Inca highway and is a well kept secret and taking us through some of the most stunning scenery in the world. Starting in the heart of the Urubamba Valley as we follow in the footsteps of the Incas, passing snow capped mountains and glacial peaks.

 

Our challenge takes us up to our hightest point of 4800m, Ankascocha pass, and we end our trek tracing the footprints of the Inca’s to the lost city of Machu Picchu; Peru’s most famous Inca ruin, which had been abandoned to the forest for over 500 years until it was re-discovered in 1911 by an American historian Hiram Bingham where, we will be privileged to visit on this, the 100th Anniversary of the discovery.

 

DAY 01                       DEPART LONDON

Depart London on a flight via Madrid, where we connect with an overnight flight to Lima.

 

DAY 02                       LIMA – CUSCO

On arrival into Lima early morning, we connect with our 1-hour flight to Cusco.  On this flight we will witness the sheer height of the Andes and our trekking challenge ahead.  Met on arrival and transferred to our hotel in Cusco for breakfast.

 

After lunch, the afternoon is best spent at leisure acclimatising to the rarefied air of the High Andes.

 

Dinner at a local restaurant. Overnight hotel.

 

DAY 03                       CUSCO

Breakfast at the hotel.

 

Day at leisure to explore the fascinating city of Cusco or the nearby Inca town of Pisac, with it’s colourful market and a short visit to the fortress of Sacsuayhuaman on the return to Cusco.

 

Dinner at a local restaurant. Overnight hotel.

 

 

DAYS 04 – 08             5-DAY TREK TO MACHU PICCHU

 

Day 04 – Cusco – Chilipahua

After an early breakfast at the hotel, drive to the road head at Papichu Bridge where we join up with our guides and mules for the start of the trek. The trail climbs via a small ‘pampa’ at Amparaki to the Watuq’asa pass (3900m) where there is an Inca wall and fortress known at Qosqoq’awarina (‘the place where one can see Cusco’) surrounding the pass.  There are also great views of the Vilcabamba massif – Pumahuanca, Chicon and Veronika.

 

We descend from the pass to a small valley with a stream running through it called Anapahua, and then head up the valley to our campsite at the small settlement of Chilipahua at 3700m.

5-6 hours trekking

 

Day 05 – Chiliapahua – Ankascocha

The longest day of trek!  We cross the Pampaq’asa pass (4600m) after around 5 hours. When then continue down to the Silque river valley, and towards the mighty imposing Mt Veronica at 6000m. After lunch and a rest we reascend to our high campsite at above Ankascocha Lake.

8-9 hours trekking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 06 – Ankascocha pass

The day begins with our continued ascent to the Ankascocha pass (4800m), from where there are fine views of Mt Huayanay and the Silque Valley. After celebrations at the top, we retrace our steps for a short while and descend to a stunning glacier lake for lunch. The afternoon trek takes us to a small settlement, where we camp on the grounds of a small school. (3750m)

6 hours trekking

 

Day 07 – Ankascocha – Kamikancha – Chillca (KM82)

Today’s trek takes us further down the Silque Valley.  The Glacial Mt Veronica looming larger in front of us as the day goes on.  We follow narrow paths above the river for 5 hours as we descend over 1,000m to lunch.  The trail takes us through gorges with stunning cascades and affords the best opportunity on the trek to view the mighty condor along with many birds of prey and humming birds. The flora is stunning, with scores of different species of orchid which adorn the cliffs.  After a good rest and lunch, the afternoon is a short 2 1/2 hours trek across open farmland and a cactus field. From here we see our first views of the Sacred Valley.  This is where the Silque River joins the Urubamba River to continue their path towards the Amazon.   We camp in a very pleasant spot on the edge of the Urubamba River.

8 hours trekking  

 

 

 

Day 08 – Chillca – Machu Picchu

Early morning departure by train; along the Urubamba Valley to Km 104 where we disembark at Chachabamba.  We cross the bridge to the park gates, where an official checks our Inca Permit. We hike up to the Chachabamba site – time here for a brief visit before tackling the long 3-hour climb up to the famous Inca ruins at Winay Wayna.  Here we join the standard Inca Trail which cuts across the ridge to Intipunku – the ‘door of the sun’ and the first exhilarating view of Machu Picchu.

 

From Intipunku, we head downhill through the ruins of Machu Picchu to the town of Aguas Calientes which lies beside the Urubamba Valley.

6 hours trekking

 

Tonight we celebrate our achievements with a special gala dinner in Aguas Calientes. Overnight in a small guesthouse.

(And make the most of the hot springs :)

DAY 09                       MACHU PICCHU – CUSCO

Breakfast at the hotel.

 

There will be time to explore the fabled citadel of Machu Picchu before catching the train back through the Urubamba Valley to Ollyantambo. Our coaches will be waiting here to drive us on to Cusco and our hotel.

 

DAY 10                       CUSCO- LIMA – MADRID

After breakfast at the hotel, we will have the morning free in Cusco, before we transfer to the airport for the 1-hour flight to Lima.  Short transfer in Lima, before connecting to our overnight flight back to Madrid.

 

DAY 11                       MADRID – LONDON

Arrive Madrid and connect with onward flight to London arriving mid afternoon.

Phew! What a few months it has been. This blog is really to thank those who have helped me through since my ‘grumble’ blog… and also a reminder about how being positive and full of gratitude can really help us all (don’t worry – there’s no preaching on ‘that subject’, it’s merely my observation!)

My last grumble was at the time when my landlord had given me notice to leave, due to wanting his house back. It came as quite a blow. I really didn’t think I would have the energy left in me to move house, and I was in full swing of new training and direction in my job, the girls were happy with our location… and so I could only see the negative for a couple of days. Then, I started to think about why I’d been looking out for another house.
More space – 2 bedrooms really wasn’t enough for the 5 of us, let alone allowing space in our lives for anyone else to ever join us.
The house was damp – so all the work I was putting into boost our immune systems, was merely balancing out by living with mould spores.
It was dark – even the plants agreed and frequently went off to another plane. As much as we loved being amongst some beautiful great trees, having owls outside in our garden, the immense wildlife around us, the trees totally overpowered us, and blocked out just about all light in the house once the leaves were on the trees.
I had ‘dreamt big & bright’ for a while, and really fancied something like a town house, with spacious rooms, and plenty of them, but keeping an eye on the market, I just couldn’t see how it would happen, Harrogate rental prices as they are. Don’t even get me started on the letting agents in the area (as that wouldn’t have the slightest bit of positivity in it at all!)
So, once notice was given, I started looking. Nowt, nowt.,nowt and nowt. I knew I couldn’t give up, couldn’t find anything remotely near my price bracket, and with the space we all desired (and really needed). Trying to keep positive, I packed up my special, but un-needed things, such as candles and crystals, and imagined the energy of all these things already in their new home… and left it at that (yeah, yeah… whoowoo stuff!)
I decided to try to avoid my biggest dislike – the agents – and put a little effort into private landlords. One quick post on www.neighboursunited.co.uk/harrogate had me in touch with the right man at the right time. And so the only house that I actually took Thea & Evie to look around was ‘the one’. I knew it! We knew it! It was just the right price, albeit top of the budget, but there. And only because the private landlords wanted the satisfaction of knowing they had a long term tenant in that would stay to save them from having to find new people over and over.
We told them straight away that it was the place for us, and when we’d like to move in.
The very next day the agents phoned, saying our landlord didn’t need to move back after all, and that we were welcome to stay if we’d like. Erm…. no thanks! I suddenly had the enthusiasm, drive and energy to move after meeting our new house!
Everything seemed to slot into place. With great thanks to my parents, Alan, Alison and Dan, I had fab help with moving on the day.
And to Katja for being the listening ear whilst I was going through the chaos. I knew no-one else could fix the hiccups for me, so it’s such a relief to have a friend who can simply listen and let you offload, until you can make sense of things.
So now we’ve truly found our home. The only missing thing about this house is that I don’t own it, but then the landlords are fab and that’s not a biggie really. Once your energy is in a home, does owning the bricks and mortar really matter?
(Oh, and the house opposite, that isn’t a patch on this one with regards to quality, has just come on the rental market for a whopping £600 MORE per MONTH!) We’re happy!!!!!
And there’s space in this house to welcome friends and more!
So, what else is new? Well, I’m sure if you’re an avid reader of my non-so-frequent blog (Mum, are you there?) then you’ll know that I am adding Doula work to my ‘line of business’. This may seem like I’m just adding another thing to my list of what I can do, but it is so much more to me. I’d go as far as saying I’ve found ‘my calling!’ and my passion for my work is a thousand-fold (it was pretty big before, but now…!!)
Roxy found ‘the home’ also… and is totally in her element with her little friend, new mummy and daddy, and brothers. This was another ‘meant to be’ thing! I knew we were only a half way home, after her being rescued, but it was still a tough choice to re-home such a loving pooch, but I knew as soon as I spoke to her new dad on the phone that she would go home with them when they came to visit. And going to visit her at their house showed me how it was totally the right thing to do. Another great result!
Hmmm… what else for this personal update? Think that’s about it for now!
From a very peaceful, content and happy Jay :)

This post has been written and re-written several times over, as my decision about my future, and how I work has been made.

Rather than try re-write all that I have thought about, I thought it might be best to keep it simple (for a change!) and maybe even short and sweet?!

A lot of people may know that I have moved quite organically into what is a ‘specialist area’, which also happens to be my passion area. I am going to concentrate my research/learning and marketing on my Doula work, pregnancy, birth & post-natal support.

This doesn’t mean that I am hanging up my main therapist hat!
All of my existing clients that see me for all manor of things (stress management, relationship issues, cancer support etc) will continue to be my clients, but my blogs and business presence will be more focused on all things birthing, and the odd bit about me/family/adventures.

I have found, with great joy, how wonderful my therapy training is benefiting parents/parents-to-be who have anxiety, depression, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), managing nausea, sleeping problems etc, and am loving integrating everything together.

So, whilst my doula journey commences, and I am in my trainee stage, my first four births are lucky enough to be at a reduced price, as I am at written assessment  stage. This doesn’t mean that I lack experience, as each and every birth is an individual learning journey each time anyway.

So, what is a doula?

A doula is a caring, compassionate support to the parents. Not a midwife, not a coach, but someone there who is experienced in birth,  gets to know the parents beforehand, and values the parents’ views on how they would like their birth to be. In the current days of hard-stretched midwives, the lack of homebirth support, the pressure of the father to be the expert in all areas, whilst going through what dads often express as distressing if they feel the pressure is all on them, a doula is there to support you both. A doula can be as much ‘there’ or ‘in the background’ as you like, helping you to keep birth the beautiful, normal thing that it should still be.

When is a doula there to help?

Preparation

As your birth doula, I would arrange with you a couple of ante-natal visits, to listen to your thoughts, ideas, concerns, expectations, desires etc. Help with any fear releasing or anxieties. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is wonderful for that.

I also offer a borrowing library and suggestions of links to very useful articles online. For pregnancy, preparation, birth and caring for your baby.

I can offer, but would require separate sessions, birthing hypnosis to help with the birth. The benefits are:

  • Teaches the beauty of rediscovering our natural birthing instinct
  • Teaches techniques to defuse the fear and tension that cause pain in birthing.

I can help you with birth plan assistance, to help you clarify your preferences for birth and explain the options that are available to you.

Birth

I will be there to offer continuous emotional and physical support for you and your partner for the duration of your labour and birth. To help you hold and move towards your ideals for your birth.

To help you feel nurtured and supported in the moments after birth, and help you feel relaxed and able to peacefully bond with your new baby, and give you the support to help you with early establishment of breastfeeding.

A follow up visit to celebrate the birth of your baby, and be there to answer any questions you have following the birth.

I also offer unlimited telephone and email support to help you with any questions you have in the run up to the birth of your baby.

What does a Post-natal Doula offer?

Help in the early days of being a new parent, and this varies from parent to parent, and can be whatever you need at the time. It could be an ear to listen, popping the shopping away, entertaining your older children, looking after the baby whilst you have a bath, help with feeding, almost anything that can help you.
It’s probably easier to say what a post-natal doula doesn’t do. It is perfectly normal for a post-natal doula to pick up & pop away household stuff, to save you from having to look at it, make you a cup of tea and a sandwich, but a doula isn’t a cleaner or dog walker, as somebody else could be employed to take these needs on!
Basically, whatever it takes to make you feel nurtured and supported in the early days of a new baby in the family.

What benefits are there of having a doula?

Well, that one is a long and vast answer, so I will create many different full posts with lots of individual details later on… for the moment, I just want to let you all know what it is that I am doing, and why!

So, that brings me seamlessly to Why?

My first baby was born after a 40 plus hour labour, that was filled with fear, distress and resulted in an episiotomy, failed ventouse, forceps delivery, with 3rd degree tears, and a baby who had to be resuscitated once born.  Difficulty bonding my my baby, failed breastfeeding and post-natal depression and what I now know was PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder).

With the support of other mum’s through NCT groups, I worked on my anxieties and fears from my first baby, and had the most perfect midwife and a much more supportive husband, and a largely more active labour, which resulted in my second baby, who was quite significantly bigger than my first and amazingly the most healing and emotionally satisfying experience of my life. Feeding was so much easier once I had support from a breastfeeding counsellor who helped me to believe in my natural ability to feed my baby.

I was then asked by a friend who had already had two emergency c-sections (1 being a failed VBAC) to be a birthing partner for her and her husband. What an amazing experience to be with them whilst she succeeded in her VBA2C. It taught me that we need to be able to feel safe, relaxed and undisturbed in order for the natural process to happen, and at it’s own pace, not that of the hospitals time policies, which have been decreased over the years, as resources have become stretched, and birth even more medicalised, and most cases is truly not helpful.

The next step in my journey was a plan for a home waterbirth, but as luck would have it, my one baby became two as the egg split, and so even after a trouble free full-term pregnancy, I agreed to giving birth in the hospital. This time, I had my husband (who wasn’t an ex at that point!) and a doula with me. In my mind, she was my rock, my guardian, my husband pacifier, my translator and go-getter when my grunt really meant “would you kindly pass me the water please”. She was the only one who seemed to recognise that I was in transition when I suddenly couldn’t do it any longer, and had changed my mind about my babies. She was the one who picked baby number one up out of the cot, when they whisked her off me whilst I was delivering baby number two, meaning that I didn’t feel like I was neglecting poor shocked number one. She was the one who believed in me being more than capable the whole way through, and made sure I knew it, even when I felt like giving up at times. She also (last but not least), the person who gave my husband the confidence to feel assured everything was going normally, and made him feel supported.

If I can help mothers-to-be to have the same support, and therefore the birth experience that they would really like to have, and a calm happy baby as a result, then I’m a very happy woman!

… and as first mentioned, I will continue to see the various clients that find me as normal, through word of mouth etc, and so don’t be put of by where my  marketing is going… I just want people to know what it is that I am doing!

What a wonderful job I have!!

I just want to leave you with an article that I read and thought was perfectly put into words… below is the link to it. The article is  in the homebirth section of a website, but is as much a relevant article for those who are wanting their birth to be in a hospital. It gives food for thought, and a chance to make an informed decision.

http://www.pregnancy.com.au/birth-choices/homebirth/out-of-the-laboratory-back-to-the-darkened-room.shtml

Jay x
(ps. I knew deep down that I wouldn’t be able to keep it short and sweet!)

Well, tonight I’m feeling a little need for a bit of a grumble on my blog. I am only human after all.

I’ve had a week or so of mixed emotions, after finding out that my landlord wants his house back for himself, the prospect of finding a new house, packing this one, continuing to see clients, not to mention look after my children, is quite a daunting one at first thought.
The positive slant is seeing all of my friends, and my parents jump straight in there to do all they can possibly do to help… they make me feel humbled and special!

So, even though we are now just over 6 weeks before I need to be out & I still haven’t found a new home, I am positive that I will find it. The packing has started, and the positive steps & actions are happening.

I am a believer in what is meant to be will be. I have had a feeling to move for a while, and so this is a massive kick up the backside that I maybe have needed!

So that grumble turns into a positive in my mind, and my girls are accepting it all pretty well too… phew!

So, my next grumble that I am in the process of sorting: The darn toothfairy let my eldest daughter down too often. She kept waking every time the fairy attempted to do her job!
So, I figured that rather than feeling let down each time she woke to check the pillow again and the tooth was still there, that I would ‘fess up’…
NOT gone down well. I thought at 10 years old she would be happy to be grown up about it… sadly not. She has been upset over the weekend and finally told me today that she feels like there is an empty part inside her, like she’s lost a friend that she believed in.
We’ve used EFT and talked about beliefs and angels etc, and she is now back feeling happier about it. The hole is now filled with lovey dovey feelings again!

So… moan over! Life as a parent/provider can be difficult at times, especially when doing it alone… but there is always a happy side to everything. It just takes a moment for me to realise that I feel uncomfortable about a situation, and change my thoughts, to enable me to change my reality.

Our thoughts create our reality.

“Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one” Albert Einstein

Today, I felt quite humbled by myself!! Not that I normal have self-doubt… I just struggle to big up my efforts!

And… today I feel like shouting out from the roof tops for my best friend Katja Gottschalk. She is amazing…

Over the years she has raised a lot of money for charity by doing things such as a 10,000ft sky dive, completing the biggest half marathon, The Great North Run, yet this year she has set herself a whopping challenge. Instead of a random task, she has set herself a series of challenges to raise funds for Action Medical Research.

Machu Picchu, Peru

Over the next 9 months her efforts start with the massive task of organising a big charity ball. Organising auction and raffle prizes, a comedian compare, a

Peruvian themed menu, and a disco.Then over spring and summer will be doing eBay auctions and carboot sales with donated items.Training for and running the Edinburgh marathon in May, and just when she thinks the training is over, a change of gear to train for trekking up Machu Picchu, Peru in September.

Today, when I joined Katja to talk live on Stray FM about these efforts, and heard someone (other than my mum!) say what an amazing and selfless effort this is, I was in awe of Katja. All this on top of being a great mum, and running her own business…

Then reality hit – I am her partner in crime – doing all the same!
Am I allowed to say I think I am pretty amazing?! Nope! That would be big headed… so

…Katja, you are fab, and I am honoured to be a part of the wonderful thing we are doing :)

www.pcharmony.co.uk/peruvianball

Whilst I’m writing up information for my new website, I thought I’d share a little with you… my views on birthing:

Pregnancy and giving birth to babies really is one of the most powerful things our bodies will ever go through. That said, it can also be the most rewarding and beautiful time.

Media, the medical world, unaware friends and family tend to scare a lot of new parents into believing that ‘labour’ has to be hard work, painful and not very pleasant. I can only tell you that it needn’t be if we stop fighting against our natural bodily instincts.

The reason why I believe this to be so, is through my own experiences. I am a mother of 4 daughters. My first baby’s birth was far from ideal, but with hindsight, it wasn’t as it was due to the fact that it was my first, it was lack of knowledge (and I mean a broad and holistic knowledge), fear and inadequate care that is quite often standard in today’s society where midwives are far stretched, not enough midwives per birthing mum’s, and not enough instinctive freedom due to modern rules and protocol.

My second birth was beautiful (I would have scoffed in disbelief if I’d have heard that before my first!) she was the most beautiful plump 9lb baby and I watched her slip out a happy little baby!

Then with my third baby I hoped for a home water birth, but baby number three turned out to be three and four… and as identical twins, the hospital protocol suggested a planned c-section at 37 weeks.

I gained some back ground knowledge, and used my

friends as support, and had a discussion about how I wanted everything to be as natural as possible. Fortunately I had a consultant obstetrician who was open-minded to ‘closing the rule book’ as long as the babies seemed ok.

And thankfully at 38 weeks my babies were born naturally 10 minutes apart. No surgery to recover from, and healthy babies that didn’t need to be taken to SCBU.

So what exactly made a difference between the difficult and not very nice first experience, and the other wonderful births? Well, I think there were quite a few things, but ultimately I learned to find the primate in me! We are designed to create babies, and this includes delivering. Back in the ‘olden days’ images show women birthing upright, letting gravity help them, they are mobile, and they are certainly not confined to the clinical surroundings of the hospital room, with a ticking clock… only allowing a certain length of time to give birth. Inductions were not synthetic, causing un-naturally strong and continuous contractions. Birthing women were supported by other experienced women, feeling safe and looked after. Now most ladies have the support of their husbands/partners, but most of these people are filled with fear themselves as it’s likely to be new to them too.

By having an experienced woman with you, you have someone else to support and enpower you to let go, and allow your muscles to do as they are supposed to – let go and release. Someone to support your partner through the fear he may be feeling. I did this for a friend between baby number two & three/four! She was attempting a VBA2C (a natural delivery after 2 emergency sections) and she was successful! So when I had my twins it made sense for me to have someone with me, other than my husband. Someone who had experience with birthing, and didn’t see it as ‘hard labour’. She was, in fact, the person who first introduced me to hypnosis. I tranced my way through many a cm dilation, and don’t have recollection of pain, only intense rushes that opened up the way for my babies to come out. I remember powerful sensations, but not damaging pain.

So, a better summary of what was different:

I was no longer scared after reading books such as Ina May Gaskin’s books reminding me that it was an instinctive natural process, and not a medical procedure.

Hypnosis to alter my way of thinking to positive and motivating patterns.

Trusting that my 5’2″ frame was built to grow and birth babies.

My trusted and nurturing woman to support me and the anxious husband!

Movement and keeping gravity on my side!
Although very basic information, I hope this helps some people! I will keep you informed as my doula training progresses, and as my hypnosis, EFT & NLP practice evolves further to thoroughly integrate  pregnancy and birthing as a focal point. As much as I love helping all different types of issues… I’m back to my passion area again, and it feels good!

Jay x

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee…

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jarwas full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.”

The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

THANK YOU!!!!!

Thank You!

Two days ago I took part and COMPLETED the Great North Run!
Two years ago I would have said it wasn’t possible! Two years ago I had a change of heart, I decided it was time to find a hobby that I could use to keep fit, and also use as mental time out too. So after some internet research, off I went to the running shop and kitted myself out with really good trainers, socks, running leggings & a jacket. Used them once, thought I was going to collapse after 30 seconds, and put them away for about 6 months…
Another couple of breathless dabbles later then were put away again!
I then found support and motivation from Katja, my friend who had been there, done that, and yet had made it work for her. She was happy for me to join her and run at my ‘stop/start’ pace. That was about a year ago.
My shins hurt, my knees hurt, I got so breathless, sometimes I would have heart palpitations… I could give many many reasons why it wasn’t going to work for me.

It took a year of hit and miss dabbles for me to remember to practice what I preech! I had to sort out what was stopping me from believing in myself? How come I had such a limiting belief about my ability. The good thing about EFT is that you don’t even need to come up with the cause, otherwise I’d still be searching for it! I just cleared whatever it was and just knew I could do it. Once I chilled out mentally and decided I would run whenever I got the chance, and do the best that I could. At times I barely got out, but when I did, I just carried on where I left off. I never ever had that feeling of ‘starting over’, I could see & feel an improvement even if there was 3 weeks between running.
Now, I’m not a perfect runner, and I did stop for some walking breaks in the Great North Run, but so were people who were lean and fit looking with amazing calves!

Once I intended to go about running for pleasure rather than as enduring, everything changed. I look forward to when I get out next… it’s ‘my time’ and I really do enjoy it!

Back to the Great North Run… what an atmosphere! It was truly an amazing buzz! I’m still digesting it mentally so I don’t think I can explain it all properly. So many fantastic things,  but what stuck in my mind was the amount of money being raised for charity. Over 50, 000 people ran that day, and the majority use it as a fundraiser for great causes.

The people whose lives are interrupted by the run, as their roads are closed off, and they can’t move their vehicles unless they are out beforehand, aren’t out there protesting, they were giving out orange segments, biscuits, sweets, having parties in their gardens, sitting on their garden furniture on the roadside giving us encouragement as we passed. It was pouring down, and they could have been inside!

I will do it again! And next time I will spend my time REALLY looking forward to it now that I know how GREAT it is!

In the 13.1 miles (or the 21km) I didn’t get breathless once, my knees or shins never hurt… no injuries or hardships! Just a massive sense of achievement!

Thank you to all those who sponsored me. I was running for the RNIB. I didn’t manage to make the minimum amount I pledged, but I’m happy to make that up myself.

And it’s not too late to give an odd pound if you are feeling generous…
http://www.justgiving.com/Jay-Kelly

“You’re brave” is all that I heard for a month before embarking on my travels exploring Australia with my four children. The eldest being 6, a tantrum filled 3 year old & 10 month-old twins.
Most people get their travelling out of their system before they have children and then settle down and enjoy ‘less challenging’ Spanish package holidays.
You see, nearly 2 years ago, I was supposed to be going to Australia alone, leaving my two children behind with their dad, whilst I went to be a bridesmaid for my best pal, Rachael, who lives in Adelaide. The measurements were emailed over, material was ready and shoes were bought. A few weeks later the pregnancy test confirmed the measurements would have to adjust slightly! OK…so I was going to be 20 weeks pregnant at the wedding, and in the middle of an Australian summer. Rachael didn’t mind having a pregnant bridesmaid, so what’s the problem? I can manage that!
At my 8 weeks booking-in appointment my midwife told me I was a little on the large side, so I was sent for a scan the following week. The scan confirmed twins. A time of very mixed emotions. So that was it, there was no way I would be fit for travelling to Australia on my own with a twin pregnancy. I was devastated. Rachael completely understood, but said that I would have to bring the babies over to see her instead…so that was it, that was the plan, although deep down I thought it would never happen.
In April 2006 life was turned upside down & inside out when Kitty & Lydia were born. We were still renovating a converted barn to use as a holiday let, still unpacking in the house we moved in to whilst pregnant, Lee started a new job & then we were hit with the biggest blow of all – Lydia developed meningitis. When your baby is fighting for her life, all priorities in life change. Even when she recovered we were left with complications, which lead to tests for tumours (another story!). It took many months, but we got the all clear and the symptoms disappeared. Our first two children had suffered the normal lack of attention that happens when siblings are born x 2 and then tripled again. I started thinking about the possibility of going to Australia for a month or so. It took a while to convince Lee that it would be great and that the flight over would be ok. Our children regularly survive the 2 hour car journey to visit family….surely a flight to Australia would be fine….wouldn’t it?! A month after deciding we would go for it, we were off.
We decided to stay with family in Harrogate the night before and flyfromLeeds to Heathrow. It wasn’t the drive to London that worried us, it was the drive home after flying back from Australia, it wouldn’t have been safe. The small flight was fine. Lee and I had a big girl and a baby each. Thea and Evie were happy to have stories read to them the whole time and, much to the annoyance of the passenger in front of us, Kitty discovered the pocket was a good place to put things in and out of, in and out of, in and….you get the rest? It kept her happy & quiet & only upset 1 other passenger, not the whole plane!
We chose our own flight schedule so that we left loads of time between flights. It’s a good job we did, as Heathrow’s tube transfer between terminals isn’t set up for people with 4 little ones, 2 pushchairs and luggage. Since I booked it all myself as individual flights, I had no idea that we could have had our main luggage transferred from one terminal to another. At least I knew that for on our return.
We had set off in the morning at 8am and by 10pm we were finally boarding the plane and starting our 20 odd hour flight. We had toyed with the idea of breaking the journey by stopping in Singapore for a few days and then coming back via LA and visiting Disneyland. We changed our mind when we thought about the extra queues we would be putting ourselves through and decided to upgrade our seats instead and sit tight on the plane. With hindsight we DEFINITELY made the right decision.
Two hours after getting on the plane we were still sitting on the runway. Somebody had boarded the plane looking rather ill, and the pilot wouldn’t fly until a doctor had checked him. They removed the passenger and then we had to wait for them to remove the luggage from the hold. In the meantime all of our children were fast asleep. Thea and Evie were snuggled up on their chairs; Kitty & Lydia were on our laps. Once we were in the air, the babies had bassinettes, attached to the bulkhead, to sleep in. We all settled down for quite some time, but could I sleep? No, of course not. Everybody else slept until a man walking to the toilet fainted and landed on Evie. Had it not been for that…oh and they were both ok. Lesson…wake up first, before you go to the toilet.
As we started the descent in to Bangkok (about 11 hours in) Thea woke and asked if we had taken off yet. Since we were delayed in leaving, the pilot decided to cut short the time at Bangkok airport, so we decided not to get off and wander around. The children were highly entertained by the Bangkok cleaning staff and their love of babies. Can you imagine their faces when they see a matching pair? For the rest of the journey we were sitting in the cleanest section of the plane!
The passengers who got off the plane managed to get to the end of a corridor and then they had to join the queue to go through security to re-embark the plane. We made the right move by staying put. So for the next leg of the journey Lee and I swapped our big girl flying partners. I had Evie, who was fine until a sumo wrestler-style man plonked himself on our row. She felt rather intimidated to say the least. He wasn’t a happy chappy. Neither was the little girl who boarded the plane with a very stressed mummy & daddy. She screamed for 2 hours solid, and threw her many dummies and bottles on the floor. The cabin we were in was mainly full of single business travellers, so not very forgiving of a screaming baby. Eventually she fell asleep. Every time a member of cabin crew came to get something out of a cupboard, you could see many people from the cabin putting their index finger to their closed lips, hushing at them to be quiet. All I could think was “thank goodness it’s not one of mine”.
We managed to keep our big ones entertained with a combination of new books, colouring pens and paper and the all-important Archos player. A newer version of a portable DVD player. It can hold many films & programmes on its hard drive with no need to carry around or change any DVDs. I think we had no fewer than 100 films to choose from. This left the onboard flip up/touch screen TV free for the babies to play with. I had a selection of new toys for the babies to have. I would highly recommend that you don’t give a toy to a baby unless it is physically attached to yourself or baby, as the ‘throw it down and pick it up game’ gets really tedious. The most favoured item for both of the babies was a new wooden beaded thing that you are supposed to use to attach a dummy.
We had been told by a stewardess friend that we would be able to take single buggies onboard the plane as opposed to putting them in the hold. There is plenty of space in the wardrobes for them, but unfortunately the ground staff think otherwise. We were told that there would be pushchairs that we could borrow just at end of the corridor when we left the plane, and that we can use them until we retrieve ours from baggage reclaim. Guess what…. Although Kitty and Lydia are very lightweight babies, they soon feel heavy when you’re managing bags too.
The main benefit of lugging around so many children is that the kind air stewardesses take you under their wing and take you through the staff gates, passport control etc. Especially if it means they can cuddle a baby. Going through passport control in Sydney took us 5 minutes. The other passengers must have been in their queues for hours! Do I feel guilty?
Ok… so that’s the first part of the journey. The rest should be easy!
We booked into a hotel for the first 4 days. We guessed it wouldn’t be a good idea to collect the motorhome until we had recovered from the jetlag. Talking about jetlag… I have never come across such a strange thing. One minute I was sorting through bags, whilst Lee had taken the big girls swimming, and the next thing I knew was Lee waking me up when he got back. I was lying on the kitchen floor. I know I hadn’t fainted, as I had placed a neatly folded pile of clothes under my head. Why I hadn’t laid down on a bed or sofa I have no idea.
Later that evening, Lee fell asleep whilst spooning food into the babies’ mouths. When we went to bed, nobody woke for 12 hours.
Sydney was fantastic. I loved it. The fact that we stayed in the best hotel ever might have influenced my opinion, but I will definitely be going back there one day. We collected our motorhome & left Sydney. We drove 2 hours south to a friend’s house & parked it on their driveway. Then after a few days we were off again. We had to get to Melbourne in time for the Formula 1 Grand Prix that Lee & Thea had tickets for. We drove for 4 hours a day on 3 days. Each day’s journey was broken by a couple of nights at a campsite. The balance between travelling & time out worked quite well. We reached Melbourne in time & spent a few days there. After that we made our way across the Great Ocean Road to South Australia. Again, we spread the journey out and didn’t drive for more than 4 hours a day (2 in morning, 2 in afternoon).
The sights along the way were amazing. If you were to ask the girls about it, they hardly remember the driving. They were busy watching their DVDs & sleeping! Out of the whole month of travelling we drove from one location to another 8 times. We didn’t take many toys with us. When we arrived, we went to a cheap shop & bought some cheap variations of their favourite toys. They were wrecked by the time we were leaving Australia, so I didn’t feel guilty about leaving them behind.
The only problem that I had with sleep was on the return flight.The children had all slept for 11 hours between Sydney & Bangkok, and as the new passengers boarded at Bangkok, local time being 1am, they all went straight to sleep. My children didn’t take much persuading to go back to sleep, but Kitty woke after a couple of hours & was raring to play. How do you keep babies quiet at playtime? The word Medised comes to mind!
The hardest part was working out which clothes we really needed to take with us. Since it was turning to autumn in Australia, and the weather variations from one area of the country to another are vast. We took lots of skirts & dresses that could be used when it was hot & coupled them with tights & tops when it was cooler. When I look back at our photographs, Lee & I are wearing the same clothes on all of them! Washed frequently of course.
On the outbound journey, I was so worried about losing our bags; we took lots of things in our hand luggage. We had the allocation of 2 carry-on bags each, which we had to limit of course since we didn’t have enough arms to carry them. We crammed all of our main luggage (for the 6 of us) into 2 suitcases & for hand luggage we had 2 backpacks, 2 Trunkis (look them up…www.trunki.co.uk – Generally a great purchase, although they did have their downside), 1 pull along bag & a nappy changing bag. Not mentioning the trousers with pockets stuffed full of wipes, biscuits etc. The jackets (fleeces & waterproofs) which made great pillows for Thea & Evie on the plane. Just before coming back we bought another suitcase & travelled home with a lot less hand luggage, although I was still very worried! We said goodbye to our bags in Adelaide on a Qantas flight, got on a BA flight in Sydney, got on a BMI flight in Heathrow & prayed that we would meet our bags again in Leeds-Bradford Luggage Reclaim department. I can liken the joy & amazement of seeing my luggage come through, to when I met my babies for the first time. Just a little less overwhelming, but still very emotional! You obviously had to be there.
Ok, so I have had to cut a very long story quite short and I have missed out on the fantastic places, sights, experiences and events that made the journey VERY worthwhile, but I hope it inspires you. If Lee & I can survive a direct flight to Australia & tour in a motorhome for a month with a 6 year old, 3 year old & 11 month old twins, then who knows what else is possible. I must admit though, I’m not known for doing things by halves.
Jay Kelly
Here are some tips & hints for travelling long haul with little ones:
You may be hot & heavy, but trousers & tops with loads of pockets for stuffing all sorts in. The extra tops make good pillows, as the small ones (if provided) are useless.
Take your own blankets for babies if possible. The nylon blankets (again, if provided) cause nasty static shocks whenever you or your baby/child move.
Smile nicely at stewards/esses, as you are relying on them to make your journey as good as it can be. If you need help, you must ask. I found them very helpful, but they kept their distance unless you asked them. They have a busy job!
Keep all of your items to declare (baby food etc) all in the same place. I missed two jars & got into mild trouble in Sydney Airport! Always check what the regulations are at the time of booking, and again before going to the airport. Check again before you return.
On the return flight, when Thea & Evie knew what they were in for, I produced 2 paper bags with new pens, books etc in. It makes such a difference when you get the content selection right. Plan carefully. Choose small books that you know you will be happy to read approx 1000 times. Sometimes old favourites are better than risking new ones. The paper bags were good to decorate too.
Don’t give a baby or young toddler a toy unless it is physically attached to them!
When choosing munchies for take off & landing. Remember that sugar filled sweets WILL make your confined time on the plane harder.
Sometimes children sleep through meal times, so make sure you have some snacks in case their food isn’t going to keep fresh or in case they don’t like it.
Regardless of how you book your flights, make sure you telephone to book/confirm that you have booked bassinettes for little ones. Infants under 2 don’t have their own seats, but under approx 12/18 months* you can request a bassinette or flat cot that attaches to the bulk head. Check that it is booked for EVERY leg of the journey. *varies depending on airline

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